“You’re in charge of your mind. You can help it grow by using it in the right way.” – Carol Dweck
You may have remembered I briefly mentioned Carol Dweck in my post, The Importance of Balance, and her study on mindsets within students. The study basically shows that it is inevitable that something inconvenient is going to happen in your life but it’s how you react to it that changes the situation itself.
You’re not always going to be happy and it’s important to note that with any time of depression, you remember that there are more reasons to be happy than sad. And 99.9% of the time, you may find that the positives far outweigh the negatives. Searching for the good in the “bad” will prevent you from dwelling on the issue for longer than is needed.
Something that has helped me is to practice gratitude daily. Every morning I just note down in my journal three things that I am grateful for and when I do that, I think about those things that I’ve written down for the whole day to come. When I remember the things I’m grateful for, it helps me put things into another perspective. For example if I have written that I am grateful for my partner Michael and if we have a slight argument I remember why I’m grateful for him and it helps me to then solve the issue we are having.
You can practice gratitude at any point in the day, but personally I like to reflect on it in the morning because it truly helps me a lot throughout the day.
It helps particularly when I feel like I’m comparing my life to others or like I’m not flowing through life like everyone else or if I speak about myself negatively. I remember I’m just grateful to be living the life I’m living.
If journaling is not your thing, try finding other creative outlets. Some other tools that can be helpful are:
- Exercise
- Getting out into nature
- Reading
- Dancing when no ones home
- Going for a drive and blasting your favourite tunes, singing at the top of your lungs
- Calling a friend
The list goes on! Just have a play around with a few things and find what works for you.
I remember stumbling across this post on Pinterest and it said – “Everything in life starts with your mindset first and your actions second. Your actions follow your thoughts, beliefs and ideas. To make a shift, to free your energy: start with getting your mind right, and then, take action” – and honestly, I haven’t looked back.
What I have taken away from this is that we must do the things we thought we couldn’t do. What seems normal to me now, was once very foreign to me, and I need to continue challenging myself and testing my limits in order to achieve better.
When you’re in a good headspace, it’s naturally easier to react to situations in a better way because you have control over your emotions.
One thing I find helpful is that whenever I notice myself having unhealthy thought patterns, I try to bring my attention to it by acknowledging that I am not feeling okay and try to understand why I am feeling that way, whether it be towards myself, another person or a certain situation.
I then try to figure out ways on how to work on myself or what I need to say to that person or do in that situation. I know that when I confront the issue, I am going to feel better. If I don’t, then I will just sit, dwell and think about it. Ultimately, by not confronting issues and problems head on I just end up feeling anxious, possibly resulting in resentment.
Sometimes it’s as simple as removing yourself from the environment and having a change of scenery. You could be changing and growing apart from the people closest to you and it may be best to take the leap and surround yourself around like minded people. It could be working in an environment that doesn’t align with your values and finding something that does. I’ve recently done this and it’s taken a bit of time for me to figure it out but trust me, when you get there you’ll be much better for it.
Dwelling on the negatives only fuels your unhappiness. Acknowledge your feelings, understand your feelings and most importantly, feel your feelings. There is nothing “weak” with being emotionally mature as long as these emotions are dealt with in a healthy way.
If you can, seek professional help. Talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. Have them refer you to a professional to discuss it further.
Recognising the thoughts you have and the feelings you have is just the first step and I’m proud of you for doing so.
Remember to take care of yourself first x
The Holistnik Approach 